within you without you

We were talking-about the space between us all And the people-who hide themselves behind a wall of illusion Never glimpse the truth-then it's far too late-when they pass away. We were talking-about the love we all could share-when we find it To try our best to hold it there-with our love With our love-we could save the world-if they only knew. Try to realize it's all within yourself No-one else can make you change And to see you're really only very small, And life flows ON within you and without you. We were talking-about the love that's gone so cold and the people, Who gain the world and lose their soul- They don't know-they can't see-are you one of them? When you've seen beyond yourself-then you may find, peace of mind, Is waiting there-And the time will come when you see we're all one, and life flows on within you and without you

- george harrison

bit all my fingernails tonight

y'all don't understand

the pain i feel.

i miss you george,

in this world

please come back

it's not too late.

musings from the train - on love

 so i, in consultation with the leading experts in the field, have come to the conclusion that falling in love is a chemical and biological reaction that leaves the affected person with no ability to reason and function for the duration of the said reaction and hence without any consideration of long term well-being. it may of course, out of pure luck, turn out that love leads some of us to better futures but no one can deny that the intensity of feelings we experience during the reaction have no bearing on the success of the relationship as a whole or for any specific time frame. take me for instance. as chet baker says, i fall in love so easily i fall in love so fast. just humming the song in my head makes me wanna fall in love with him but that's beside the point. so yes, i do. no offense to exboyfriends, i fell in love with each one of you for different but perfectly great reasons as you all excel in countless ways. except you. and you know who you are. but when i look back i remember that i thought i could possibly not love anyone more for each and every relationship.  i totally kid myself into thinking with each relationship, i reached the top! oh and yes, i was also completely blind to any barriers that would otherwise (to a regular human being) seem insurmountable. because love knows no boundaries, right! yeah right :) and love changes people, no? when you direct a significant amount of your compassion to a single person, it can do wonders!  lazy asses like myself, become action-people. you want bubblegum? let me run for a mile to the nearest store. got a backache? let me get the lotion and rub you down for an hour! and the action-loving ones (like myself again, yes i am very versatile) stay glued to the tv to watch the world snooker championships (no not me i swear). hey, it's a beautiful day and my friends are having a bbq, but i'll stay in with the shades down only to cuddle with you!  ok ok i know we all sacrifice things for each other but you know we are going with our best sides forward when we are in love. so come on people, agree with me, falling in love is an anomaly, falling in love is a reaction, falling in love is chemical, falling in love is not us, falling in love is not unique, falling in love is crazy! not to say we don't want to experience any of those things...and really i am not writing this to suggest  that falling in love is something we should try to avoid, on the contrary, i think it is good to jolt oneself out of the monotony of life, explore our limits as well as others', lose our usual everyday cockiness, determination, selfishness, and forget about our friends and family for a little while.  especially knowing that we will get all that back, in due time!

poor me

i went swimming with old friends

and the waves broke into stones

they were not the beautiful waves of your hair

i haven't seen in so long

in them

i saw you

absorbed in your self-centeredness

unforgiving and forgetting

went to national civil rights museum in memphis. so sad how the civil rights movement has stopped short of bringing race equality . memphis is still divided, as are most towns in the south. even in the north. by railroad tracks. crossed by no one from either side. unless you are chasing a runaway pet.

WHAT IS THE SHAPE OF MY LIFE?

my life is a circle 

fiery like the sun

my life is heart-shaped

with enough love for everyone

my life takes the shape 

of your beautiful face

my life is a line

with a beginning and an end.

lost

to love and not want the whole world. (like if you eat too much you get fat.)

but there was nothing to eat. except for a sandwich,
with peanut butter that looked like shit.

and you certainly couldn't take a shit.
because there was no toilet paper.
you could use your underwear of course
to wipe off.
still, the bathroom, did not have a door.
and there was no toilet paper.

you couldn't sleep.
because if your sleep was too deep,
you wouldn't hear them call your name.

who are these people with me.
they want water they want toilet paper
where is the humanity?
we are not animals!
at this point, humanity escapes me.

to be with you, is all i want.

somebody is dying out on the street. i can hear him scream. my next door neighbors are having sex again. when they first moved in, she used to scream, too. now just like his, her voice is muffled, just like his, her heartbeat is faltering. the world continues to fuck them both. neither of them care. i hear the ambulance, the police. they are closing off the street that i walk on every day.

their lives are taken.
your mind is racing.
but you tap your watch, is it broken?

the rain is falling.
as you lean back on the concrete floor.
but you don't hear it.
you don't hear me.

one more child is born.
one more name is called.
it's never going to be over.

you know you are going to cry.
when it's all over.

my mom loves duck...

the blind assassin

-from Captain Ahab's Wife by Sena Jeter Naslund

the salad of love

the salad of love
Originally uploaded by ergeneman.

from a man without a country, by kurt vonnegut

Here's a lesson in creative writing.

First rule: Do not use semicolons. They are transvestite hermaphrodites representing absolutely nothing. All they do is show you've been to college.

And I realize some of you may be having trouble deciding whether I am kidding or not. So from now on I will tell you when I'm kidding.

For instance, join the National Guard or the Marines and teach democracy. I'm kidding.
We are about to be attacked by Al Qaeda. Wave flags if you have them. That always seems to scare them away. I'm kidding.

If you really want to hurt your parents, and you don't have the nerve to be gay, the least you can do is go into the arts. I'm not kidding. The arts are not a way to make a living. They are a very human way of making life more bearable. Practicing an art, no mantter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow for heaven's sake. Sing in the shower. Dance to the radio. Tell stories. Write a poem to a friend, even a lousy poem. Do it as well as you possibly can. You will get an enormous reward. You will have created something.

in the park 

And sometimes when the night is slow,
The wretched and the meek,
We gather up our hearts and go,
A Thousand Kisses Deep.

Leonard Cohen

hold my hand
and when i am too high i will come down your stairs.

the blue light comes in. the blue light goes out. the blue light carries me with it into a night. a night whose magic has died. i have been here at another time. standing staring at the sky without a single star, i had crouched over the the ground, my hands touching my shoulders my face, loving what is now unloved. you, my sun, my scented candle, my child-proof lighter, my reading lamp, you have burned yourself out. i now wait for the day to break; it did that night. and i will be happy as i was when i fell in love with you.

on my lips you are the red stain
that remains
after the wine is
gone.