complete silence on my mind. thoughts feelings falling like snow, melting away as they touch my body. with all the clocks stopped, my heart is keeping time.

years have gone by. i have grown, my cells have multiplied, but i have given them away so i can stay constant. so i can come back and find the same me, the bare me, that doesn't change. it hurts to give but i don't want to unlearn how to do it. i am afraid that i will and i will start swelling up with feelings i can't unpart from, with thoughts that pile up and stink like rubbish, like old thoughts do. i don't want to grow cold, distant, i don't want to grow old and burst when one day some sunshine leaks in from the blinds that keep my house dark and dreary. i want to be alive, i want to close my eyes and take a leap and fall fall fall until i wake up and find that i am still there, even if nobody else is next to me. i want to be alive, even if it means i have to cry, even if i have to lose. for losing is living and i don't want to be afraid.