should we go outside, when you go away?

strange smells
of cigarettes smoking of wood burning of cucumbers melons
sounds
of me calling

i say the things i always say, my eyes always burn
and the knot in my stomach, for some reason,
does not come loose.

i have so many questions
that i will not ask
i am on my island and i know the answers will never come.

so my heart beats to the beat
my life floats
but still i wish, the spirals i draw
could reach you somehow.